With my team out of the hunt for the Lombardi Trophy, I’m left without a major sport to watch. Sure, I enjoy my basketball, but I don’t get to catch it nearly as often as I’d like. And so, as always happens at his time of year, I’ve devolved back into a twelve year old.

That’s right. I’m watching professional wrestling.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Pro wrestling isn’t a sport. And you know something? You’re right. It’s not a sport at all. It’s a “wanna-be” sport.

Now what was the name of this website again? Oh yes, I remember. Also, you can’t tell me that the men and women who toss themselves around for our amusement aren’t athletes. But I digress. The purpose of this column is simple. I’d like to share with you my top-five finishing moves of all time.

Signature and finishing moves are an essential part of wrestling. They’re a competitor’s calling card, that special performance piece that brings the crowd to their feet. Most of them are simply brutal, and require years of training to perfect (and deflect).

This list is not a popularity contest. These aren’t necessarily the most used, the most dramatic, or the most stunning. This list is all about the sheer amount of pain inflicted.

Here then, complete with video, are the most devastating moves in professional wrestling.

#5: The Chokeslam

Picked up by the throat and slammed to the ground? Sounds like the recipe for a neck-brace. The chokeslam is practiced by more superstars than I can count, but no one does it better than the Undertaker.

#4: The Stone Cold Stunner

There is just nothing about this move that doesn’t hurt. A neck-breaker prefaced by a kick to the gut – it’s quick, it’s lethal, and it can come at any time.

#3: The Pedigree

It’s a face-plant with both arms tucked behind your back and a 300 lb. man landing on your head… What could go wrong?

#2: The Sharpshooter (Scorpion Death Lock)

How many of us tried out this hold with our friends on the playground. I did it. Once.

#1: The Crippler Crossface

This move has fallen into disfavor since the death of Chris Benoit, and not without reason. However, if there was one submission hold that I would want to avoid, I think this would be it.

Honorable Mention: The Canadian Destroyer

Just watching this move – it’s just an impossible move to pull off with some help from your opponent. But it sure is fun to watch.

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Tags | chokeslam, Professional Wrestling, The Pedigree, The Stone Cold Stunner